This article is being written out of frustration!  It concerns the phenomenon called  Blog Spam or BS.    So far, my interesting postings have had comments that, on the surface, look like they come from interested people complimenting me  on my excellent and informative writing.  On closer examination, their originating URL’s range from Russian prostitutes, marketing trackback websites, Estate Planners, music download sites, Viagra sales and various sex sites. 

Now, I know my blog isn’t exactly cutting edge journalism, but  just once, I’d like to get a genuine comment from an actual human being who has actually READ the words and had a GENUINE THOUGHT that they wanted to contribute to this fabulous interactive online forum.  As you may have gathered, I’m getting a bit upset about this and need to come up with a method of preventing these internet infiltrators from using my precious blog for their lame-ass marketing.

I have actually had to sit through seminars and speeches that sound like this.  Have you?

“A re-engineering of your current world view will reaffirm your online presence enabling a more effervescent solution.

Upscaling voluminous networking exchange solutions will result in your achieving an excellent systemic electronic data interchange synchronization, thereby exploiting technical environments for mission critical broad-based capacity-constrained systems.

This will fundamentally cause a morphing into a well designed and actionable information infrastructure whose semantic content is downright null.

To more fully clarify the current concept, a few aggregate issues will require addressing to facilitate a distributed communication venue.

In integrating non-aligned structures into existing legacy systems, an even more effervescent (bubbly) gateway blueprint in a backward compatible package of tangible and immeasurable strategic value will result in right-sizing the conceptual frameworks, but only when thinking outside the box.

This being said, the ownership issues inherent in dominant thematic implementations cannot be understated…”

Did you know that there is such a thing as a Veterinary Dentist?  Yes, these hapless souls have made a rather lucrative career out of tending to the oral hygiene of your pet hound.  So, not only do we enslave what was once a fully functional wild pack animal and reduce it to beggar-status, but we then subject the poor beast to tooth brushing due to our pathetic human distaste of its perceived bad breath.

This is all quite true, and I have the scars to prove it.  This proof coincides with the lowest point in my television career, namely, a diabolical and, as it turned out, extremely popular TV programme called Ja-Nee Troeteldiere.  Presented by Dr Quixie, this Kyk-Net show proceeded to break all previous ratings records in the “Interactive Television” genre.  The debut programme on “Brushing Your Dog’s Teeth With Poultry Flavoured Toothpaste”, was a huge extravaganza complete with extreme close-ups of foaming fangs and happy dog-smiles.  The viewers were ecstatic and proceeded to voice their joy by immediately phoning in with such groundbreaking questions like: “Dokter, my hond hou nie van hoender-geur tandepasta nie.  Help asseblief!”  (Doctor, my dog doesn’t like chicken-flavoured toothpase.  Please help!)  Ja-Nee Troeteldiere had become the unofficial yardstick by which all bad television was henceforth to be measured.  

I went home that night with a heavy brow.  Is this what I have been reduced to?  Mixing mindless pet programmes in the middle of the night?  After months of shock therapy, aversion therapy, and aromatherapy, I agreed to do another one.  This time the topic was Psychotic Pets, or in Afrikaans “Jy En Jou Mal Troeteldier” !  It took the entire crew to stop me from slashing my wrists with a tweaker, and the rest of the production team had to stop me from pushing the telephone operator out of the way and telling the callers that they really needed to get out of the house more.  They had pushed me too far!  I could still put up with the show on “Wild Animals Not Designed To Be Kept As Pets”, where my entire studio was filled with marauding monster lizards, lemurs, pythons and chatty African parrots.  But, the sympathetic ramblings of Dr Quixie in response to the caller who’s Chihuahua was humping the neighbour’s hamster…well, that’s all too much for this humble operator!

Franschhoek always scares me a bit.  It usually means I’m going to eat well…but be much poorer afterwards.  This time was different.  Yes, it WAS expensive, but someone else suffered the post-bill indigestion!

It was Mother’s Day and Stoan invited his mother and me to lunch at CAFE ALLEE BLEUE  just outside Franschhoek.  The drive through the winelands always reminds me what a gorgeous part of the country I am privileged to live in.  And that I should explore the countryside a lot more. 

This intimate restaurant is located on the Allee Bleue estate.  It lies in a picturesque location in the Franschhoek Valley and offers a beautiful view of the Drakenstein mountains. With its white, thatched buildings surrounded by dense lavender bushes and sky-high blue gum trees, the extensive estate stands proudly in the middle of large fields of herbs and expansive meadows.  Many of the restaurant’s ingredients are sourced from the estate.  Adjacent to the Cafe is a wine tasting venue both in the cellar or outdoors. 

Because it was Mother’s Day they were offering a set menu.  For starters we had a very unusual salad comprising prawns, rocket, watercress, finely chopped tomatoes and a tiny dot of basil pesto.  It was a fascinating combination of flavours that worked perfectly.  It was also small enough to allow for 2 more courses.  My main course was a duck confit, falling off the bone, with red cabbage and a gentle sauce the details of which escape me now.  My companions had a herb crusted sirloin with baby vegetables in season and a red wine sauce.  All perfectly cooked and presented.  Then came the only part that I remember in detail…the dessert.  It seemed very simple…chocolate mouse with orange segments.  But this was no ordinary mousse.  It arrived like a Rolls Royce, presented as 3 round balls, the colour of deep, dark chocolate.  The orange segments offset the richness of the chocolate with a fresh citrus zing!   It was also not light and fluffy like the conventional stuff.  This was dense and creamy with a hint of cognac and rum that elevated the dish to that of Mousse Royalty!  I jokingly mentioned to the waitor that I’d love to have the recipe.  Before I could say “allee bleue” the chef emerged from the kitchen with a hand written recipe for the precious mousse. 

Clutching my newfound secret knowledge, I emerged into the afternoon sunlight after a thoroughly enjoyable meal.  This is a fantastic lunch venue and comes highly recommended.

Click here to view the regular Allee Bleue Menu

Call 021 874 1021 for bookings