Fast forward 30 years.

I am now the same age, and have been living in the same city for 10 years.  I frequent the same bank a few times a month.  But when I walk through the security barrier and look around at the tellers behind the bullet-proof glass, I don’t recognize anyone.  What happens to them?  Are they quietly recycled in the dead of night?  And the bank manager seems to change just when you start getting to know each other.  No doubt a deliberate tactic to ensure that they don’t do you any favours by way of extended overdrafts or credit holidays.

Nowadays we don’t really need to go to the bank very much.  Now we have Call Centres.
Thank goodness for these paragons of efficiency.  Thankfully I have loads of spare time to go through the IVR (interactive voice response) options, figure out whether I need Sales, Accounts, Telephone Banking, Internet Banking, PUK numbers, or listen to various computerized options.  Ok, sometimes I have to wait quite some time to speak to a “consultant”, but at least I can talk about what’s bothering me and they can instantly sort it out with the power to negotiate on behalf of their company.  That’s why these 20-something Generation Why “consultants” are put there along the front-line of customer service.  Not, as many think, as a buffer to protect the management from their clients.  No, they are skilled, trained representatives of their organization, able and willing to resolve your issue in record time.  And all it takes is an hour or two of holding on while I get routed between departments and IVR voice prompts.

Last week it took me less time to drive to the Sea Point Telkom centre to apply for an ADSL line, that it took a friend of mine to do exactly the same thing on the phone.  It’s ironic – a phone company that doesn’t answer their phone!

God bless technology.
God bless automation.

If you think that making Creme Brulee is a complicated gourmet thing, think again.  It’s one of the easiest desserts to make and can be enhanced by adding a bit of liqueur.  Lavender creme brulee is one of my favourites and goes down uber-well at dinner parties.  I would strongly suggest buying a small blowtorch, either from a kitchen speciality store or a hardware store.

Adding lavender is an unusual twist on a traditional theme.  Trust me, it’s gorgeous!

Here’s the recipe:

4 cups heavy cream
1 tablespoon dried lavender flowers
8 egg yolks
3/4 cup sugar, divided

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Butter your remekins and set them into a glass baking dish. If cooking custards in a metal pan, cover the bottom of the pan with a layer of newspaper to ensure an even temperature on the bottom. Place ramekins in a shallow ovenproof roasting or baking pan.

In a large, heavy saucepan over medium heat, add cream and the lavender flowers.  Heat just to a simmer. Remove from heat and allow lavender flowers to infuse with the cream for 5 minutes. Strain cream mixture through a fine mesh strainer to remove lavender flowers.

In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and 1/2 sugar until light and creamy. Slowly add the strained cream to the egg mixture, blending well. Divide custard mixture among the custard cups.

Bring the water for the water bath to a light simmer on top of the stove; carefully pour hot water into the baking pan to come half-way cup the sides of the custard cups. NOTE: The most common mistake people make in baking a custard is not putting enough water in the hot-water bath. The water should come up to the level of the custard inside the cups. You must protect your custard from the heat.

Baked 60 minutes or until set around the edges but still loose in the center. The cooking time will depend largely on the size of the custard cup you are using, but begin checking at a half hour and check back regularly. When the center of the custard is just set, it will jiggle a little when shaken, that’s when you can remove it from the oven.

Remove from oven and leave in the water bath until cooled. Remove cups from water bath and refrigerate at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.

When ready to serve, sprinkle approximately 2 teaspoons of remaing sugar over each creme brulee. For best results, use a small hand-held torch. Hold the torch 4 to 5 inches from the sugar, maintaing a slow and even motion. Stop torching just before the desired degree of doneness is reached, as the sugar will continue to cook for a few seconds after flame has been removed.

If you don’t have a torch, place creme brulees 6 inches below the grill for 4 to 6 minutes or until sugar bubbles and turns golden brown. Refrigerate creme brulees at least 10 minutes before serving.

Makes 6 to 8 servings (depending on size of custard cups).

For those of you who don’t know, a chocolate fondant is basically a small dome-shaped chocolate cake that has a molten liquid gooey chocolatey centre.  It’s a small, decadent, delicious dessert that, when it works, is hugely impressive…and yummy!

This is Gordon Ramsay’s recipe.  I’ve made it three times and it turns out beautifully…

CHOCOLATE FONDANT

Ingredients (makes 4)
50g unsalted butter, plus extra to grease
2 tsp cocoa powder, to dust
50g good quality bitter chocolate (minimum 70% cocoa solids), in pieces
1 free range egg
1 free range egg yolk
60g caster sugar
2 tbsp liqueur of your choice
50g plain flour, sifted
Icing sugar, to dust
Creme fraiche, Marscapone, or vanilla ice cream to serve

How to make hot chocolate fondant:
1. Preheat oven to 160 degrees celsius.

2. Butter four ramekins (about 7.5cm in diameter), then dust liberally with cocoa, shaking out any excess.

3. Slowly melt the chocolate and butter in a small bowl set over a pan of hot water, then take off the heat and stir until smooth. Leave to cool for 10 minutes.

4. Using an electric whisk, whisk the whole egg, egg yolk and sugar together until pale and thick, then incorporate the chocolate mixture. Fold in the liqueur, followed by the flour. Divide the chocolate mixture between the ramekins.  As a variation, push a few white chocolate buttons into the mixture.  This will create a gorgeous marbled effect when you cut into the fondant.

5.  Bake for 12 minutes.

6. Turn the chocolate fondants out on to warmed plates. Dust the tops with icing sugar and serve with a dollop of creme fraiche, marscapone, or a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

7.  Let me know how it turns out.  I’m pretty sure it’ll be perfect, and you’ll score major points with your dinner guests!  Just don’t tell them how easy it really is!

I’m not sure if the whole event hit its mark.  Orgnised by “Improv Everywhere”, it was all very American and seemed to lack local flavour and sense of humour.

“Improv Everywhere causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places. Created in August of 2001 by Charlie Todd, Improv Everywhere has executed over 100 missions involving tens of thousands of undercover agents. The group is based in New York City.”

Here are the pictures.  If you see yourself in any of the images, please email me (flashaha@gmail.com) and I’ll gladly send you the original.

If you are contracted to one company for a significant number of days per month, then yes, you are most likely an employee, and as such, are entitled to benefits such as annual leave, medical aid, pension, etc. However, you won’t be able to claim for all your expenses under those conditions.

If you are a casual freelancer, however, or if your contract is for very few days (and you have many other clients) then the definition becomes open to interpretation.  Below are 3 extracts from the SARS website which I received from my tax consultant.  Feel free to download them.  As you read through them you will notice that certain questions classify you as an employee and others make you an Indpendent Contractor.  Once you’ve been through all the criteria, a picture will emerge which should put you more on one side than the other.  If you believe that, according to SARS’s criteria, you qualify as an IC, then your next step is to go to your nearest SARS office, meet with the right consultant (and you may need to be persistent with this), and get them to issue a directive which defines you as an IC.

You can then take that directive to all your clients, thus ensuring that you are correctly classified.  You may also need to get an extension from SARS to allow time for your clients to re-issue your IRP5.

Here are the SARS guidelines:

Employee_Contractor definition 1

Employee_Contractor definition 2

Employee_Contractor definition 3

Was it worth it? No.  Was it challenging? Yes.  Would I do it again? Ask me next year!

In the end AfricaSoccer supplied a crew of about 140 people to various broadcasters including ESPN, Sky, SBS Australia, BBC, and HBS/FIFA.  It was an enormous undertaking which, on first examination, seemed entirely possible.  And it was.  BUT…when you’re working with human beings, there are always a few unforseen speed bumps on the road to riches.  Various people needed to be replaced at the last minute for all sorts of interesting and often dramatic reasons.  These included:
- Being arrested, jailed and roughed up in Angola.
- Death in the family
- Illness (stroke)
- Car accident (broken bones)
- and my favourite:  “I got a better offer for more days and therefore more money, so sorry, can’t do the job for you any more.”
- Also had one guy who just didn’t show up one day.  His phone was switched off, and everybody was worried sick.  Next day he arrived for work as usual, and seemed perplexed by the fact that he was summarily dismissed on the spot!

Here at home, Mike and I built 2 television studios on the roof of a Green Point hotel that-shall-not-be-named.  Between the extortionist hotel management, and the CT city council building department, we had just 6 weeks to finish the construction in time.  The lights arrived from the USA 3 days before our first live broadcast.  On the day that our Australian clients arrived, we put on our “everything is perfect” face, and hoped to god that it would all be ok.  Aside from a bit of a boardroom-reshuffle, it was!  They turned out to be dream clients and did a lot to make it all the more bearable.

I suspect that things went a lot better for the thousands of soccer fans that enjoyed the 64 matches.  The tournament was a huge success, visitors didn’t get robbed or killed, and Bafana Bafana didn’t embarrass themselves (or us).  Success!  For me, success is measured in how much money we DIDN’T lose, how many of my friends and relatives are still speaking to me, whether I can repair my broken body and release stress trapped in it, and the fact that Mike and I get to go to Mauritius for a well-deserved holiday.  Au  revoir!

My smile twinkles with mischief
My smile reveals a hint of sadness

My smile is seductive
My smile makes you smile

My smile is sometimes fake
My smile is sometimes shy

My smile remembers the good times
My smile hopes for the future

My smile is a reflection of my joy
My smile is a mirror of those around me

My smile is a glimpse of my spirit
My smile is filled with infinite possibilities

The aroma wafts towards you from 100 paces.  It’s the unmistakable scent of baking, mingled with the rich headiness of cinnamon.  I close my eyes and move blindly in the direction of the divine deliciousness.  Then I see it…it’s a sign…no, really, it’s a sign that says “Cinnabon”.

I move closer, lured by the aroma-induced euphoria and existential knowledge that something heavenly awaits if I follow this path. 

Inside the sacred temple of temptation I catch my first glimpse of this divine decadence and I know…I must have it.  Flavours of vanilla, lemon, caramel and chocolate offer themselves to me like vivid red roses to bees.  And like a cult follower, I point weakly at the one that begs me to take it.

I take out my purse and gradually everything comes back into focus.  I realise that I am in a shopping centre – Canal Walk – and that this is a little store selling cinnamon rolls.  My religious experience evaporates as I part with R12 and eagerly clutch my freshly baked bun.  I open the wrapping as if it were a diamond necklace and inhale the beautiful cinnamon. 

The first bite is utterly beyond anything I had imagined.  (These things always look better than they taste, right?  WRONG!)  Every bite was a thing of unsullied beauty and, as I took my time and allowed my palette to revel in its treat,  all was right with the world.  The hot rolls are taken from the oven freshly baked, and then filled with a cream cheese frosting which melts into the swirls of the roll.  A hint of lemon brings out the vanilla and cinnamon flavours.  This is heaven!

www.cinnabon.co.za

I am drying my eyes.  I always cry when I watch this movie.  Every time.  And always in the same places.  It’s a very unsentimental film too, so what is it that always tugs at my heart?  The movie I’m referring to is “Shall We Dance” starring Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, made in 2004 and first released on the art circuit.  It also stars Jennifer Lopez, but don’t let that fact make you stop reading this.  At the heart of this film is pure, honest human emotions, failings and fears.  Richard Gere plays a (gorgeous) middle aged man who commutes home every night on the train in Chicago.  On his way home he notices a dance studio and spots Jennifer’s character, Paulina.  The hapless group of would-be ballroom dancers are wonderfully – sometimes tragically – entertaining.  But each somehow mirrors a facet of myself, and probably everybody else too.  Nobody is perfect in this film.  Gere doesn’t end up a champion dancer.  But the ending is more beautiful, more moving than you would ever expect.   And the dancing represents that repressed passion and fire that is within all of us.

Gere’s character hides his nocturnal cha-cha classes from his wife, played by Susan Sarandon, who then hires a private detective to find out if he’s having an affair.  After finding out what he’s been up to, she doesn’t understand why he would keep it a secret from her.  In a memorable scene the PI asks her why people should get married?  She replies:  “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness…”

So why do I love this film so much?  Is it that scene where Richard Gere emerges on the escalator dressed in a tuxedo, holding a red rose?  Or is it the way that his voice falters and trembles when he says to his wife:  “The one thing I am proudest of in my whole life, is that you’re happy with me. If I couldn’t tell you that I was unhappy sometimes, it’s because I didn’t want to risk hurting the one person I treasure most.”   Or maybe it’s when he tells his wife that he was ashamed of wanting more, when he had so much.  The dance scenes make my muscles twitch and I long to be them, gliding so gracefully across the polished wooden dance floor. 

It’s about going beyond the mundane repetitive things we do in life and trying something new and exciting that makes you feel alive.  And it’s about Love, Friendship, and being true to yourself.

This article is being written out of frustration!  It concerns the phenomenon called  Blog Spam or BS.    So far, my interesting postings have had comments that, on the surface, look like they come from interested people complimenting me  on my excellent and informative writing.  On closer examination, their originating URL’s range from Russian prostitutes, marketing trackback websites, Estate Planners, music download sites, Viagra sales and various sex sites. 

Now, I know my blog isn’t exactly cutting edge journalism, but  just once, I’d like to get a genuine comment from an actual human being who has actually READ the words and had a GENUINE THOUGHT that they wanted to contribute to this fabulous interactive online forum.  As you may have gathered, I’m getting a bit upset about this and need to come up with a method of preventing these internet infiltrators from using my precious blog for their lame-ass marketing.